Back in the Pit - Zen Retreat part 3

In addition to the specific tasks assigned to us in samu we were all asigned daily tasks. Mine was dinner clean up. It was alright. The group leader was a cute young gay guy who sort of rubbed me the wrong way a couple times because he acted more like a supervisor than a team member. (Truth be told I think I would handled it the same way.) He kept his hair cut very close to his head in the self depriciating way of Buddhist monks the world over who are not concerned with outward appearance and fashion, but bless his gay little heart, he just couldn't help himself. He had the lovliest Prada glasses accessorizing his humble haircut and formless meditation robe. Since he was kind of hot, many sins could be forgiven.

Anyway the third day of dinner duty I found myself in the pit, that is, in restaurant speak, loading dirty dishes in a tray, hosing them off and sending them through an industrial dish washer. The last time I was in this spot was when I was 15 and worked at a restaurant near my childhood home. I was a dishwasher for two years before getting the dubious promotion to bus boy. Anyway it all came flooding back to me and pretty soon my hands were moving faster than a Buddhist running for the doors in a slaughter house. I was doing 4 things at once, loading and hosing down dishes just as soon as they came in. I kicked out the other guy that was back in the pit with me as he was slowing me down and asked him to help the 2 people drying dishes who couldn't possibly keep up with me. I was 15 again back at the Olde Mill Stream Inn and I was flying! Soon the (now 3) dish drying people are impossibly backed up. I'm in full dinner rush mode, washing all the cups, glasses, dishes, dessert plates and silverware for 60 vegitarians in minutes while the beautiful Bohdisattvas on my drying crew were wiping each little drop of dharma (individually, it seemed to me) on every clean plate and glass that flew out of my industrious dish washing factory, no doubt getting closer and closer to acheiving enlightment with every mindful swipe of the dish rag.

I so missed the point!

Zen Retreat

Today I am traveling to New England where I will partake in a 5 day silent meditation retreat run by Zen Buddhists. Last year I did this same retreat and it was essentially a life-altering experience. (I did blog about it in Jan 08) The first couple days were brutal, but the last couple were beautiful. I learned that my mind doesn't always have to run the show. I credit the meditation practice that I did so intensively at last year's retreat, and continued throughout the year, as a very big reason why I was able to break into the Dueling Piano business this year. First, I was able to access increased concentration and was thus able to memorize music, after having been convinced that I was the single most forgetful piano entertainer in NY. Secondly the increased focus/concentration helped helped me immensely on stage get through stage fright and to focus while there were so many things going on, including playing with a drummer, something I had never really done before. This year I will know many of the people and I won't feel quite as alone as I did when I began my retreat last year. I come back New Years Day, which is also the day my roommate comes back from his travels. The following day I will be going to my hometown where I will attend my cousin's wedding. Then...who knows?

My first post

Ok...so I have wanted to create a blog for a while, and the New Year seemed as good a time as any to begin. I spent the time between Christmas and New Years in a Zen Buddhist silent meditation retreat. The way I got to such a thing is that about 3 months ago I was looking for places to learn meditation. Through word of mouth I ended up at The Village Zendo in Soho, in NYC, sitting counting my breaths a couple evenings per week. My reason in doing this is to clear my mind of all the thoughts that are constantly banging around up there, in the hopes that it will help me get through some of the things that stop me from progressing with my vocal lessons.

So after a 2.5 hour train ride and a $45 taxi ride, I find myself in this beautiful area of rural Connecticut in a large dorm building run by Catholic nuns, that has been rented out by the Zendo for their week-long annual winter retreat. As a participant you are expected to remain silent, with your eyes at a downward 45 degrees the entire week. I was assigned a room on the 4th floor with a silent roommate, who I learned later was a 40-something Latin teacher for a charter school in MA. Over the next 5 days (I arrived 2 days into the retreat) I spent much of my waking hours (5:45am to 9:30pm) sitting on a round cushion on a 2 foot by 2 foot mat, staring at a heater vent and counting my breaths from 1 to 10 and then back again, trying not to become distracted by random thoughts. I found this extremely difficult because my back was sore from something I had done before I had arrived. The object of the seated meditation was to sit absolutely still, not to fidget, which was exactly what I was doing. I was frustrated.

And then there were all the Buddhist services and liturgy that I had never seen or expected. I wasn't too keen on all of the bowing and the chanting in Sanskrit and Japanese, but it was harmless and after speaking to one of the Zen teachers in "Interview" I found that even she wasn't all that keen on the ritual, but that the meditation took her where she needed to go and so she looked past all the other stuff. That sounded fair.

The food was all vegetarian, there was plenty of it, and mostly it was good. I was assigned to the daily task of washing dishes and cleaning the lunchroom every day after the mid-day meal, which was the only time I got to talk with other people, and so it was welcomed. They call it "work practice" which was an opportunity to practice a meditative state while wiping bean sprout tofu terriaki off of someone else's half eaten plate...but always in a "mindful" way. Sounds like Buddhist bullshit to me.

The countryside surrounding the retreat site was beautiful and between my long walks every day and the outside walking meditations that we did, I was able to fully appreciate the beauty of the snowy New England Countryside.

About 3 days into the retreat my back was less bothersome and I actually managed to sit through my meditations with less and less thoughts intruding, and when they did they intrude, they didn't really take hold. It was exciting because that has been my goal all along, to quiet the mind. My favorite "practice" time was the first meditation in the morning, at 5:45am when the world was still dark and quiet. It seemed a sacred time.

Finally on New Years Eve, a service involving the ringing of a very large bronze bowl, sounding somewhat like a sonorous gong, 108 times. This continuous ringing experienced by what was now a relatively quiet mind was quite pervading, with the sound surrounding you, going through you and being a part of you all at the same time. I think I achieved a Buddha moment listening to that ringing. After that service, all of the participants (about 60 of us) got to share for the first time that week. It was then that we got to look at everyone else and listen to their experiences and find out who we all were. I think that everyone was profoundly affected by their experience. I know I was.