Tortoise love and TV theme songs

OK, this is just strange. I was lying awake, not able to sleep at 3 in the morning, so I turned on National Geographic where there were having a special on the Galapagos Islands. Cool, right? Well they showed two tortoises mating. And apparently the females are smaller than the males. So here is this huge tortoise mounting a little turtle half it's size and going at it like a Craigslist personal ad gone very very wrong. And amid all the knocking of shells, they were grunting too!! Loudly! Like pigs, I guess. It was a clumsy, noisy, awkward affair that was more than a little bit disturbing.

I finally went to sleep and dreamt that I was playing a dueling piano gig out in some Midwestern state, and there's hundreds of people waiting for me to play, but I didn't have my music so there I sat there as useless as teats on a bull. So the other pianist asked if I knew TV theme songs--which I have always resisted learning--12 years playing piano bar and no Gilligan's Island! So I had to tell him no, and continue being useless. It was kind of like when I was in 7th grade and would dream that I was on the school bus, and suddenly realized that I must have forgotten to put on any clothes before I left home, but no one had noticed quite yet, and I was frantically wondering what the hell I would do when we arrived at school and I would have to stand up and get off the bus. So today (after I woke up from my pianistic nightmare) I promptly did my research and discovered that apparently there is a very specific TV theme medley that the duelers play. It goes: Brady Bunch, Gilligan's Island, All in the Family, The Jeffersons and Cheers...in that order. (I didn't get that memo). So the next time you see me perform, you can hear me imitate Edith Bunker in all her melodious glory singing "Those were the daaaaaaa-a-aaa-ays!!"